If you would have told me pre-baby that I would be okay with floating turds, being peed on and picking runny noses, I would have told you that you are crazy and no way that would EVER happen to me. I am a refined lady, okay! (yeah right).
I write the words “poop” and “turds” a lot in this blog post, so if you have a weak stomach you might want to read something else…
In the past few weeks, I have done all of the above and proudly enough have not blinked an eye or stopped to consider how gross it is. When these things happen, you just think fast, deal with the situation, shake your head in disbelief and enjoy a laugh (and maybe a glass of wine later to reflect) with your husband who is thinking the same thing.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw a baby turd float to the top of the water when Reese was a newborn.
“I’ve heard these stories from other moms.” I told my husband with a sense of pride that it was a right of passage for Reese.
The solid poop turd experience was funny and easy to manage in the small baby tub in my kitchen sink. This whole poop explosion in a grown up bathtub is a whole new ballgame. Bath time fun quickly stops and we initiate protocol poop removal plan – an action plan that Chad and I both got down to remove the waste while keeping baby happy.
I grab baby, he scoops poop, drains tub, take toys out while I clean her up and get her ready for bed. Later, I break out the bleach and start to disinfect. This process has happened twice in the last week. Lovely. I am glad my emergency training courses have come in handy. I consider this an emergency anyways.
Number 1 happened tonight when I was being a little too brave and held Reese on my hip sans diaper while we waited on Chad to fill up the tub. We were gigglying and laughing at ourselves in the mirror while all of a sudden I felt a warm Mount Rushmore type sensation go down my entire side and to the bathroom floor. Nice. Very Nice. I am soaked and all I can think of is when does Mom get to take a bath? Not anytime soon, because Reese is going through this stage where she is very clingy right now to her mommy so there is no sneaking out to shower tonight. I wipe myself off and get back to work. Meanwhile, hubby is laughing at me and still trying to get the bath ready.
Operation get-baby-ready-for-bed and quickly snag the boogy out of her nose is next on the list. Diaper goes on very quickly because I do not want to get peed on again and then comes the lotion and the ever so fun putting on her jammies part. Putting pajamas on Reese is like trying to wrangle a goat that you see at the Rodeo – it’s not an easy challenge. She hates it even though she knows that it’s a nightly ritual, she still despises it. Once her jammies are on, it’s time to read a book, fed her a bottle and pray that she goes to sleep quickly. Since I was covered in baby waste from my hip down, my husband was on deck to get Reese down for the night. Tonight she did go down well, but there has been nights that we rock until (it feels like) the sun will come back up.
I head to the shower wash away another night of messy parenthood. While enjoying some uninterrupted “me’ time in the shower, I think to myself,
“Wow, you had it so easy pre-baby. There were no set routines, there were no battles before bed, you never had to deal with poop or pee much less picking someone’s nose for a living. Your biggest concern was what tv show are you going to watch and should I take a shower tonight or in the morning?”
I try to remember more of what my nightly routines were like in the past and to be honest it’s a bit of a blur. I can remember how tough it was in the beginning with a newborn and trying to adjust to that was pure survival mode. Bath time back then was easy though. She enjoyed it and she was ever so little so if she did poop it was a pellet! ha
Now as she is getting older, we still have a routine and we still have our challenges, but we can laugh and enjoy this ever changing, ever challenging parenthood roller coaster that we are strapped into for life. There are ups and downs along the way, but it’s been the biggest thrill ride of my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.